Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Avoidance Is

May 22, 2025•2 min read

Most people don’t wake up thinking, “How can I start a fight today?”

And yet—conflict happens.
At work. At home. In leadership. In love.

Conflict is inevitable because we’re human. But here’s the truth most people don’t want to admit:

Your relationship with conflict is either fueling your growth or quietly eroding it.

Why Conflict Isn’t the Enemy

Let’s get real. Every one of us is operating with subconscious programming we didn’t choose.

According to Dr. Bruce Lipton and others, up to 95% of our behavior is shaped by patterns that were hardwired into us before the age of 7.

And those patterns? They’re often rooted in beliefs like:

Add a little stress, throw in some imposter syndrome, and you've got a perfect emotional storm.

That’s why a small comment—like “Can you take out the trash?”—can trigger a surprisingly intense reaction.

You know you’re overreacting…
But you still can’t stop it.

Welcome to emotional quicksand.

Most people don’t deal with conflict.
They bury it. Brush it off. Pretend it’s “not a big deal.”

But that doesn’t make it go away.
It just traps the energy in your body.

And that trapped energy? Over time, it creates:

Avoided conflict doesn’t disappear. It metastasizes.

Dr. John Gottman’s research on couples is clear: Successful relationships include conflict.

The difference is in how people navigate it.

Thriving couples fight—but they do it well.
They use conflict as a way to learn, to listen, to go deeper.

Conflict is feedback.
Conflict is an opportunity.
**Conflict is a doorway to deeper connection—**if you’re willing to walk through it.

The healthiest relationships aren’t the ones where no one gets upset.

They’re the ones where both people are willing to get real, be vulnerable, and have the hard conversations.

Here’s the paradox:

If you want a completely pain-free relationship, you’ll have to avoid relationships entirely.

(And if that made you think, “WTF?”—good. It means you’re still alive.)

Pain is part of connection.
Trying to engineer a relationship without it only guarantees more of it.

But when you reframe conflict as energy—something to move through, not something to fear— you unlock something powerful:

Let’s be clear:

Pain is not the problem.
Avoidance is.

When you stop running from conflict and start leaning in with emotional mastery, you unlock a strength that changes how you lead, love, and live.

So here’s the question:

Are you ready to make conflict your ally?
Or will you keep letting fear lead your life?

Ready to lead yourself—and others—through conflict with more strength, ownership, and clarity?

Weekly men’s group meetings are happening now.
Step into the support, the challenge, and the growth you’ve been craving.

Geoff Laughton